Louis LeBeau: A dancing lesson? Be honest! [Hogan is trying to trick General Schmidt into revealing the location of his secret headquarters]. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: You will be shot. Do you allow this sort of thing? His specialty is military protocol. Cpl. One of these wires disconnects the fuse, the other one fires the bomb. Now you may leave anytime, and take your spy, Private Berger, with you! We had pistachio, but one of the guards shot it with a machine gun. Col. Robert E. Hogan: Just because we're enemies is no reason we can't be friends. What is going on there? Col. Wilhelm Klink: They say we are holding a girl. Cpl. Col. Wilhelm Klink: One of the radio detector units has picked up a wireless sending coded messages. : : But the major has a plan to cripple the entire Russian rocket program. What is going on there? Sgt. You can depend on me. You heard the phone ring. Colonel Klink: Those prisoners will be released over my dead body! [takes Hogan's hand, both leave Klink's office]. Col. Wilhelm Klink: The Ping-Pong tournament is canceled. Col. Wilhelm Klink: The candles from the birthday cake. Did you hear me? Throw away the key. For me? Col. Wilhelm Klink: Ha. Major Byron Buckles: If I'm going to die, at least let it be in a close-up. Col. Robert E. Hogan: What kind of explosives have we got, Carter? Col. Robert E. Hogan: Oh, no, no. You have chosen the most dangerous man in all of Germany as a witness. Probably an oversight at headquarters. Col. Wilhelm Klink: All potato rations are cut in half for ten days. Hans Georg Schultz: That's the only one I had. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter Imagine the morale boost to those young flying chaps, setting down in dear old England between a carpet of crimson geraniums. What makes you think he's fat? Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Do you consider this adequate punishment, Kom-man-dant? Sgt. Col. Wilhelm Klink: But, But this is classified, General. Col. Robert E. Hogan: That's cruel and inhuman punishment. Hogan: [about famous artists] It wasn't until after they were *dead* that they were famous. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter The moonlight- it's beautiful on the laundry or the bakery. It's going like clockwork. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Oh, I'll arrange that. In. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: The execution takes place tomorrow as scheduled. Louis LeBeau: That's why it's taking them so long to lose the war! General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Enough! A complaint. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: What is this man doing here? [He puts it on and looks in a mirror], Col. Robert E. Hogan: He's also given you a new name, Schultz. I'll call headquarters and have them send over a cryptologist. Col. Robert E. Hogan: I wouldn't do that, sir. What does he look like? Please. It's a long trip to this camp, you know. What is this man doing here? Col. Robert E. Hogan Col. Robert E. Hogan: I want to register a complaint on behalf of my men. Col. Wilhelm Klink: I am a man of many sides. General Stauffen: The greatest military minds Germany has ever produced. Col. Robert E. Hogan: You're the same bunch of guys that put him in business. Hans Georg Schultz: [Leaving barracks, after finding out Hogan's plans regarding the tank] I know nothing! [slams door shut]. Col. Robert E. Hogan: It's going to be the only bridge in the world with a built-in bomb. It's in the neighborhood. Colonel Hauptmann is a very lucky man. Col. Robert E. Hogan: [telling Klink what a good catch Burkhalter's sister is to marry] Gertrude is just the kind of woman you need. Writers can stir the mind, but they can't direct it. Sgt. Didn't I tell you I could break this code. Schultz: Hess is a mess. Hans Georg Schultz: Don't they drink tea in France? Rate this quote: 0.0 / 0 votes 207 Views Share your thoughts on this Hogan's Heroes's quote with the community: 0 Comments Notify me of new comments via email. Col. Robert E. Hogan: Well, you'd never make sergeant in OUR Air Force. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Oh? Sgt. [a German guard is fending off POW Newkirk from a restricted area]. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR SECURITY HERE. I mean, the Klink here - you don't mean him. Louis LeBeau: Then why are they bringing it here? *Now* I'm delivering *newspapers*! Col. Wilhelm Klink: [annoyed] Colonel Hogan, I'm very busy this morning - dispatches from Berlin. Basic vowel substitutes. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: I haven't asked you anything yet. Peter Newkirk: Monkey, Schultz? Col. Wilhelm Klink: It was a million-to-one shot that the candles would have hit the truck. Are you OK? Col. Wilhelm Klink: I wouldn't believe one word you said, Hogan. Baroness Lili von Schlichter: Colonel, I will be safe here? Sgt. Col. Wilhelm Klink: [on telephone] What was that? What witness? Sgt. Sgt. For possibly the first time, Klink is entirely sure of himself]Major Hochstetter: Well, now, Klink, are you ready to hand him over to me?Colonel Klink: Major Hochstetter! James 'Kinch' Kinchloe: Look, I know that arrow was pointed in the right direction! : Col. Wilhelm Klink: Ah, leave that to me, General Burkhalter. Not a laugh in the book. General von Rauscher You'd make somebody a good wife. You've made me homesick for Cleveland. Hochstetter for example would have to be a Sturmbannfhrer. Col. Robert E. Hogan: [discussing the Crittendon Plan] All I can say, Crittendon, is it better be good. Major Martin: [in disbelief] You're an American. | I will be here every single day until I find these men. You might as well have said Friday, for all I care. Raus! Andrew Carter: [mockingly] Lot of work to do. My men gave it to me. Col. Robert E. Hogan: That's the problem. In future, to avoid confusion, why don't you just say 'Good Morning' in English? Lurch let in cragnik.". General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Your lying! Uh, did you come on military business, or is this a social call? I'm worried about spying. Sgt. Carter: Don't we get a trial or anything? We are determined to destroy this fool at any cost. I'm not holding a girl. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter Colonel Klink: This is Germany. Sgt. Cpl. Col. Robert E. Hogan: [Interrupting] HOLD IT! They would have come right back. Quotes Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter : You will all stay away from that rocket. Col. Robert E. Hogan Go on, Hogan. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: You will all stay away from that rocket. One of us or one of them? So that's a command for attention, huh? Cpl. Col. Robert E. Hogan: Hochstetter's not such a bad guy, sir. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Major, this happens to be Tuesday. Sgt. General von Rauscher Major Hochstetter a character not in the main cast was played by an American actor, as was French resistance leader Tiger. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Hogan thinks he can outsmart me. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: What is this bungler doing here? He studied under Colonel Klink Bloopers [] Major Hochstetter says that Hammelburg (near Stalag 13) has been chosen because of its proximity to Dsseldorf, but his geography is way off -- Hammelburg is 250KM from Dsseldorf. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Yeah, that's not the code Oh, it's the old double-look method. Unquote. The ultimate weapon didn't quite work out. General von Rauscher You don't even know how to spell the word. Sgt. "Funny Thing Happened on the Way to London" has as Canadian Lloyd Bochner playing dual roles as an Englishman and a German. Cpl. Cpl. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Berlin is calling every minute. Andrew Carter: Hey, gang! No, wait a minute. That's fifty miles away through the heart of Germany. Bob Crane starred as Colonel Robert E. Hogan, coordinating an international crew of Allied prisoners running a Special Operations group from the camp. You obviously worked hard on this plan, Klink. : Carter: Heck, I've seen groundhogs down there that were lost. Col. Robert E. Hogan: Because you could fly or because you were bald? That's the third tray of hors d'oeuvres LeBeau has sent in. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: I have never had any trouble resisting you. - Oh, excuse me a moment, general. Cpl. Col. Robert E. Hogan Quotes Col. Robert E. Hogan: Ah, Major Hochstetter, always a pleasure to see your smiling face. So handsome and so unlucky. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: What do they want, Klink? General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: EVERYBODY THOUGHT HE WAS STUPID! [Hogan has ordered Newkirk to fake a toothache]. What is this bungler doing here? Col. Robert E. Hogan: [dismissive] He really knows how to hurt a guy. Sgt. Andrew Carter: Uh-huh, and sometimes little old men have big old guns. Therefore Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Now, Klink, I'm going to try and be calm about this. Col. Wilhelm Klink: An award? We've got him. Major Hans Kuehn: Yes, uh, Field Marshal Karl Von Streicher of the General Staff. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: What are you babbling about? In that case, I'd better check it myself. Schultz: No, Herr Kommandant! General von Behler: Stalag 13? WHAT IS THIS MAN DOING HERE? Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Are you aware that, last Monday night, an American plane dropped a bomb on Gestapo headquarters? General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: If I do, I'm liable to shoot him myself. We're going to rebuild the bridge with a very special feature. Quiet you blithering idiot, I'm trying to think! Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Major Hochstetter, Herr General, in charge of security here, and you're all much too close to this rocket. Officer: [approaches Hogan] Might I assist you? [points to the white wire], Col. Robert E. Hogan: [Cuts the black wire, the bomb stops ticking]. Many are unaware that he was. And I won't have to share credit with Major Hochstetter. SCHULTZ May I ask, are we deserting to Switzerland or Sweden? : Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Birthday cake? My dear Major, there is no danger of it firing Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter | : It's already got an expensive price tag. Col. Wilhelm Klink: That's another good one. Obviously, it's not the code. Cpl. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: What is this bungler doing here? Hans Georg Schultz: Don't you know no one is allowed outside after roll call? Col. Wilhelm Klink: It was a great personal loss to me. The Gestapo is taking over. I always thought it meant 'Good morning' or 'Greetings, Mate.' Col. Robert E. Hogan: [surprised] I thought I'd done *everything* in this war! Everybody thinks I'm a social butterfly. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: I have every confidence in your ability along those lines. "What happened to the Duke of York?" See also I warned you not to listen to me unless I tell you to. Thank you. You live better than Goering and you're twice as big! Col. Wilhelm Klink: [addressing the prisoners] And while I'm on leave Col. Kureger will be in charge of Stalag 13. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Who is that woman? Kommandant Klink's orders. Col. Wilhelm Klink: I'm sure Mrs. Burkhalter was famished when she arrived. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Thank you, General Burkhalter. Col. Wilhelm Klink: [Outraged] Or, you could be Big Fat Schultz Who Goes Swift And Sure To The Russian Front! Hans Georg Schultz: General Burkhalter, what are you doing here? Ahmmm. Colonel Crittendon: No need to worry, I have a photographic memory. Therefore Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: ALL HEADS WILL ROLL. A becomes E if followed by P. When preceded by U, then E becomes B and U becomes P and sometimes Y except afert C. However, what they've done here- General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Just read the message. I saved you some cake. Col. Robert E. Hogan: So what? Sgt. Major Hochstetter is a genius, Putzie. Col. Robert E. Hogan: To buy something. Col. Wilhelm Klink: A-ha, those Staff Officers they are so clever. I will crack this in not time at all. Sgt. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: What did you tell him? You must be daft! Col. Wilhelm Klink: No, sir. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Where are the two prisoners who tried to escape? : General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Neither am I. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Schultz, close the gates! James 'Kinch' Kinchloe: Could also mean heavy equipment. Peter Newkirk: Yeah, but how are you fixed for film? Back, back, all of you. Col. Robert E. Hogan: I don't know anything about the underground or sabotage. Hans Georg Schultz: [after being told he does not have to transfer] You mean I do not have to go? Col. Robert E. Hogan: But you'll have to eat it there. : This is WHY Major Wolfgang Hochstetter Was PROBABLY Agent "Nimrod!" Many watching Hogan's Heroes have seen the episode, the Missing Klink. Cpl. Back. Col. Robert E. Hogan: If Carter's bombs don't do it, we may have to poison that bridge. The War is back on! | Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: [hangs up] We've got him. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Now, is there anything I can get you, General, before you go to sleep - perhaps a glass of warm milk? Col. Robert E. Hogan: Ahhh. Col. Robert E. Hogan: You, uh, put your arms around her? [Klink in a casual tone starts reading to himself the captain's orders paper], Colonel Klink: "All ranks are ordered to extend complete cooperation, assist without question. Col. Robert E. Hogan: Maybe the Major didn't mean it when he said 'heads will roll.' Marya I will surround this camp with a ring of steel. Are you aware that I am in charge of this project, and that this is the inventor? Col. Robert E. Hogan: Hi Schultz! Lock us up? : Cpl. Louis LeBeau: And I cooked that whole pot of chow mein with sauerkraut. Radio Host: [Hogan pretends to be a Nazi sympathizer to get on German radio and discredit a propagandist] You read Mein Kampf, I believe. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Oh, some of the gang back at the stalag. It's even bigger than a breadbox! You're lazy, you're fat, you sleep on duty. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Yeah, I could not believe it myself. You know nothing! Col. Wilhelm Klink: Oh that's quite alright Herr General. Klink is bucking for rat fink. | I'm trying to save your *life*! Major Hochstetter : [repeated line, whenever Col. Hogans shows up] What is this man doing here? Sergeant Walters: You mean you're going to stage a raid from a prison camp? "Hogan's Heroes Quotes." Quote: You'll assist escaping prisoners, cooperate with all friendly forces, and use every means to harass and injure the enemy. No, we don't got him. Mouth stuffed with cotton wool! Oh, unforgettable. No one has ever escaped from Stalag 13. James 'Kinch' Kinchloe: [skims through a collection of maps and finds Pittsburgh] Pittsburgh? Hans Georg Schultz: Achtung! [everyone except Hogan continues to shout and sing]. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: You give a birthday party for a prisoner? Col. Wilhelm Klink: Uh, the fat little lady in the red dress has been eating steadily over an hour and a half. Col. Wilhelm Klink: That is exactly what I was going to say. Col. Robert E. Hogan: [trying to persuade Col. Klink to call General Burkhalter] Why don't you give him a call, sir it means so much to him. I General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Shut mouth, Klink. We had guys escape to Pittsburgh? General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Why don't you call headquarters and let them send over an expert. Col. Robert E. Hogan: Who calls it the "Klink Plan"? Hans Georg Schultz: What do you think? : Who am I? Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: You may come and go as you please, Kommandant. Top Major Hochstetter Quotes Writing has power, but its power has no vector. Peter Newkirk: What you mean by that, Colonel? General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Warm milk? Now, I don't want to sound like I'm blowing my own horn but General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: You sound like a whole brass band. Hogan: Do I have to repeat the orders that were given to us when this happy little band of wandering minstrels was formed? Col. Robert E. Hogan: Ah, Major Hochstetter, always a pleasure to see your smiling face. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Hogan, do you realize what General Burkhalter would say if he saw a chimpanzee working in the garden? Col. Wilhelm Klink: I intend to nail the prosecutor's fat hide to the wall. I fully intend - - Hogan, why are you so composed? Cruel, sir, cruel. Cpl. General von Rauscher Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: [Zagoskin hands him his notebook] Until I clear you, you will please stop inventing. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: The message is: "I am foul. Sgt. *I am responsible for security here! Who's worried about firing? That's worthy of Himmler himself, major. But we can still get him. At the age of 13 Howard Caine (family name Cohen) moved with his family from his hometown of Nashville, TN, to New York City, where he began studying acting. Col. Robert E. Hogan: Sounds like a hotel room I once had in Cleveland. Scene with great timing between the three actors (Howard Caine, Werner Klemperer, and John Banner). General von Rauscher : Who are you? Howard Caine. It's so good when he leaves. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Well, we are centrally located. Col. Robert E. Hogan: Someone around here has to be. Schultz: They aren't giving you a blindfold. The idea of Klink being a British agent is ridiculous. Col. Wilhelm Klink: General Burkhalter, What an unexpected pleasure to see you again sir. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Ah, I always have a glass before bedtime makes me sleep like a baby.

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