After that, I picked up the pace quickly. Everyone was wearing platforms.Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. Every time we go over a railroad crossing, I tell my kids, Hey, a train just went by!if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[336,280],'laffgaff_com-banner-1','ezslot_5',660,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-banner-1-0'); Because its tracks are still here!if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-large-leaderboard-2','ezslot_6',661,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-large-leaderboard-2-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-large-leaderboard-2','ezslot_7',661,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-large-leaderboard-2-0_1');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-large-leaderboard-2','ezslot_8',661,'0','2'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-large-leaderboard-2-0_2');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-large-leaderboard-2','ezslot_9',661,'0','3'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-large-leaderboard-2-0_3');.large-leaderboard-2-multi-661{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:3px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:3px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:250px;min-width:300px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}. A few years ago, I decided to visit my sister who was living in France. Went to a railway fancy dress party. It comes in sizes from Small to X-Large so it is actually the perfect T-shirt for couples! Q: What wobbles when it flies? Ive always been a big fan of a funny one-liner. 34. After a moment of silence, he would go through the same process mumble, smile, raise hand, silence.Maggie watched this closely, and after about an hour, she said, in a concerned voice, Excuse me. In a train compartment, there are 3 men and a young woman. You have a locomotive. Joke #3864. More jokes about: sex. The conductor was right in the middle of his presentation when he lost his train of thought. The T-shirt is 100% cotton, comes in sizes from Small to 2-XL, and can be easily cleaned with machine cold wash. My mum used to feed my brother and I by saying Here comes the train, and we always used to eat it straight away. Finally, when it stopped for about the hundredth time, one of the tourists got out, walked to the front of the train, and asked the train-driver, cant you go any faster?Oh, yes sir replied the driver, but Im not allowed to leave the train., 49. 61 Funny Sleep Puns And Jokes You Need To See, 101 Rock Puns & Jokes That Are Actually Funny, 100+ SMore Puns & Jokes That Are The Perfect Treat, 31 Balloon Puns & Jokes That Are Seriously Funny, 19 Box Puns & Jokes That Are Actually Funny, 32 Snail Puns & Jokes That Are Actually Funny. We'll give you 24. I always like chewing gum on the train. The Best Dirty Jokes You Can Tell To Create Good Memories with Family and Friends. His last meal request is a single banana. So, look at these clean train jokes that you can tell for everyone. 63. No problem, the engineer thought, and carried on at half power. 83. He took the precious book out of the cow's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!" "Not really," said the cow. 94. 50+ Dirty Jokes That Are Never Appropriate But Always Funny in 2023. It was an end of line sale. A passenger train is creeping slowly along. A: Only one, but to no avail. Every detail needs to be kept track of.The conductor kept telling me funny train puns, and it was hard to keep a freight face.Teachers and railroad security are more similar than you might think. I have no secrets to keep from a cow!Is it normal my emo cousins hobby is tying himself to train tracks. Because they cant even put on a skeleton service! Q: What did the monster say when he saw a rush hour train full of passengers?A: Oh good! 20 Best Train Jokes & Puns that Go the Extra Mile Prepare to derail the conversation with these totally funny train jokes and puns. No, sir! 69. Q: What is the difference between a school teacher and a steam locomotive? How many trains have you derailed in the past year?, I said, Im not sure. He couldnt coordinate the skeleton service.The train conductor worked hard and got offered a promotion. Son: Dad, I want to be a train conductor but I dont know where to start. Required fields are marked *. Yo mama so dirty, her perfume is roach spray. Its so hard to keep track.. 17. Snow White was in bed, feeling Happy. A passenger sees a conductor walking by outside. 8. I'm not a weatherman, but you can expect a few more inches tonight. 41. The next morning they strap him into the electric chair, pull the switch, and nothing happens. They didnt want to wait 40 years for a train. What does a monster see when it sees a train full of passengers? The train track says a pint for me, please, and one for the road.I know an elephant who refused to travel by train because he didnt want to leave his trunk in the baggage car. Its a slowcomotive. The engineer decided he should inform the passengers about why the train had stopped, and made the following announcement:Ladies and gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you decided to take the train and not fly., 55. A railfan was walking along the tracks when he came across an old lantern covered with ash and dirt. The train conductor was feeling silly and decided to wear platform shoes to work. He receives plenty of freight mail. You can see for yourself what I mean by scrolling through this list. Again a train shakes the room so violently, she's pitched to the floor. Swinging a large bag, a young man managed to reach the train, throw his bag in and climb aboard, gasping for air. "Look lie here on the bed -- you'll be thrown right to the floor!" Is that clear?The ticket man agreed and took the 100 francs. room with a train. Were on to you, now. Passenger: How long will the next train be, will it run on time?Porter: Same as usual, sir; three carriages and it will run on rails!. 71. To those people who play loud music on the train, I just quit my job as a train driver a few weeks ago. As hes helped back on the train the gent who picked him up says, Man youre lucky I was here to help! Same as usual madam; it has four carriages and it will run on rails.Why shouldnt you fall asleep on trains? Why cant trains sit down? Hire an expert to follow the tracks. The bird went through the windshield, broke the engineers chair, and made a major dent in the back wall of the engine cab.They were quite surprised with this result, so they asked the FAA to check the test to see if everything was done correctly. Naughty trains! Too many people have crossed them. 4. The cops were investigating the recent theft of a train. What do you call a lazy bull? I paid you 100 francs so you wake me up in Mannheim. All Rights Reserved. Shortly afterward, one of the engineers left his restroom and walked over to the restroom where the accountants were hiding. You look so good; I wanna kiss your lips and then move up toward your belly button. Because she didnt want to leave her trunk in the baggage carriage.How do find out how heavy a whale is?By taking it to the whale weigh station.When does a rabbit go at exactly the same speed as a train?When it is one of the passengers on the train.Anyone who steals a train would definitely have a locomotive.I was considering becoming a railway conductor or engineer, but I got put off by all the training.I went for a walk along the railroad tracks, but then I suddenly felt run down.I used to be a railway engineer but I kept losing my train of thought and going down the wrong track.A young man has just told me about a great offer on railway buffers. 33. He was there come train or shine. How do you find a missing train? Being a train driver is more difficult than it looks. Some of those jokes are dirty jokes (never appropriate but) always funny. One-Liners in Spanish These are funny S panish jokes that you can say in a single line or as a response. 150 Hilarious Train Jokes to Engineer Laughs on Your Face There is a surprising amount of humor in train jokes and puns. 38. Before you continue reading the other 95 train jokes, puns, and crazy laws, I want to share with you a top I put together especially for people who like a good laugh! You can see its tracks! To this, the other replied, "It's not the stairs that bother me, it's the low banister. I took advantage of an end of the line sale. I just chased it out of the station because I didnt like the look of it!. His trial is speedy, because this has already happened twice, and he is sentenced to death. They point this thing at the windshield of the aircraft and shoot a dead chicken at about the speed the air-craft normally flies at it. The train driver sees three idiots standing on the tracks. A locomotive. At around midnight, as they are both trying to fall asleep, the man says to the woman, Excuse me maam, but its really cold, would you mind passing me one of the extra blankets on the table beside you?, The woman answers, Ill tell you what, Im also feeling really cold, for one night, why dont pretend we are married?, The man, taken aback but enthusiastic replies, Yeah of course!, And so the woman says, Good. saying: "All of you sons of bitches who want to get off, get the hell off. He starts to slow down! Id like to share with you a list of hilarious train jokes that I put together specifically for people who need a good laugh. A chew chew train. I guess thats why I like monorails so much!Always keep an eye on train puns, they can go off the rails without warning.Train conductors are known for their drinking. There was a murder on a train do you know if the suspect was caught? Did you hear that theyre making a new fuel additive out of grapes in France?Yeah, they call it Vin Diesel. He knocks on the door and says, Ticket, please., Ive been trying to buy a train ticket online for over an hour now and Im getting really annoyed, It keeps asking me, Where do you want to go?. Let's take a look at our favorite short jokes for adults only: Its a slowcomotive.Train drivers are quite clever and known for their engine-uity. Read on to have a good laugh and learn a joke or two to share withyour friends and family. When they board the train the three Irishmen cram into a bathroom and the three Scots cram into another one nearby. The I Choose You T-shirt is our second choice because of the cute train pun. Lets begin. Young Woman Without women sex would be a pain in the ass. No matter what, the train I regularly take home is always late. Thinking this must be a freak occurrence, she lies down once more. 2. Q: What happened to the man that took the 5 oclock train home?A: He had to give it back! How about something else?The train fan thought a moment and said, I wish all the Amtrak trains would run on schedule.The genie rolled his eyes. You can see for yourself what I mean by scrolling through this list. Conversation continues, and the men, a bit excited, have all taken off their coats. Even though trains are one of the oldest forms of transportation(they date back to the 1800s!) The court believed his story, and the suit was dismissed.Congratulations, the lawyer said to the engineer when it was over. Embarrassed, he quickly disembarked the room. My boss said to me, You are the worst train operator ever. The old lady thinks, I bet that dirty Frenchman fondled the blonde and she struck the pervert., The blonde thinks, I bet that filthy Frenchman was looking to grope me in the dark, mistook the old lady for me and she slapped him., The Frenchman thinks, I bet that perfidious Englishman touched up the blonde in the dark and she slapped me by mistake., The Englishman thinks, I cant wait for another tunnel so I can slap that Frenchman again.. Look no further! Q: What did the Mama Steam Engine say to her Baby Steam Engine at supper time?A: Choo choo!. Q: Why can't the engineer be electrocuted? But if you're bold enough to deliver a punchline, you deserve the laughs it'll earn you. Give an unforgettable gift and make your loved ones laugh today! A train track and a motorway walk into a bar. Knock, knock!Whos there?Quintus.Quintus who?Quintus the next train leave?Knock, knock!Whos there?Alpaca.Alpaca who?Alpaca the suitcase, you see what time the train leaves.Knock, knock!Whos there?Betsy.Betsy who?Betsy of all, the train ticket says first class.Knock, knock!Whos there?Chew.Chew who?You sound like a chew-chew train.Knock, knock!Whos there? A train with a coal-d. My buddy made the grand final of the national model train competition. After a few times the conductor begins to become a bit impatient. The next day, hes led to the electric chair. I guess hes just really into one-liners.Even the toughest train engineer needs a brake to let off some steam.A railroad conductor needs to make sure he doesnt go down the wrong track and lose his train of thought.Train conductors are clever and known for their engine-uity.What do you call a train with buble gum?A chew chew train.My boss yelled at me the other day, Youve got to be the worst train driver in history. His shoes start to smoke! 35. How do you find a missing train? you sit in front of your TV with your computer beside you and watch the screensaver of trains instead of the TV! The Irishmen see this and agree it was quite a clever idea. The inspector released a statement saying "These people do tend to cum in pears." 84. Then, the young woman proposes, "If each of you will give me $1.00, I will show you my legs." 7. Here is 100 francs for the favor. It had forgotten the words.Why do you have to wait longer for a train on Halloween?Because they run a skeleton service.Did you hear about the Mexican train hijacker?They say he had locomotives.Whats the difference between a teacher and a train?The teacher says, Spit out your gum, but a train says, Chew chew!Why are dolphins so smart?Because within three hours they can train a human to stand at the edge of the pool and feed them fish!What do need in order to crash a train?A bad track recordTo become a licensed, airline pilot requires 1,500 hours (two years) of training. 50. I have got the best collection of funny train jokes. Train drivers are quite clever and known for their engine-uity. 2.-. Ticket inspectors. Train: A train is a form of rail transport consisting of a series of connected vehicles that generally run along a railroad (or railway) track to transport passengers . people look at you funny as they drive by while you are standing out in the middle of nowhere by a railroad track with a tripod and a camera. It was an end of line sale. "Because I put on the wrong sock this morning." brutalanglosaxon 2. 99. A chew-chew train. Ive always been driven by the joy of monorails.Well, one thing Ill say about ticket inspectors is that youve certainly got to hand it to them.Reading between the lines can be extremely dangerous, particularly if you are at a train station.I handed in my notice today and left my job as a newspaper reporter. The design with its clear black lines on clear grey sends the right message immediately. Because he wanted to go Choo Choo. They always seem to have a get out of rail free card. Copyright 2023 O-hand.com. In a moment of panic, I threw a bedsheet over it. Because they arent conductors.How did the locomotive get so good at its job? What do you call a train that sneezes? It was enough to drive you loco. The train conductor was a very sneaky woman, she always had a track or two up her sleeve. 28. When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. 15. He was so mad at the ticket man, he ran over and started yelling at the ticket man.Are you stupid or something? You don't need to memorise much and they work in plenty of situations. The bad news is that both engines have failed, and we will be stuck here for some time. The guy sat next to me on the train pulled out a photo of his wife and said, Shes beautiful, isnt she?. Two Blondes "Your name is written inside the cover." Two cows were out in a field eating grass. In West Virginia, it was once illegal to sleep on a train. There is a surprising amount of humor in train jokes and puns. Table of Contents. He said, Im not sure, its hard to keep track.Went to a railway fancy dress party. Top 1: Train Wreck This Isnt Your Station. 12. Q: Why doesnt anyone like to play volleyball with a track worker?A: Because they keep spiking the ball. In a terrible accident at a railroad crossing, a train smashed into a car and pushed it nearly four hundred yards down the track. when you are parked and getting ready to back out of your space you give two long blast of your horn when releasing your parking brake, three short honks before backing up, and then two honks before moving foreword. you enjoy being woken up at 2:36 AM by the sound of a train passing by. Such kind of jokes could bring a smile on anyone's face or could crack them up in a knotty situation. Its just fun to play them! The police made him give it back. I was having a poop in the toilet on the train when the conductor knocked on the door. 86. Because she wanted to cover her tracks.How do you locate a stolen train? How does a train avoid detection? I was able to pick up a few railway buffers for cheap the other day. While standing in the middle of the RR tracks, he heard a whistle, but didnt know what it was. They ask him what hed like for his last meal. One tells you not to chew gum, while the other says Choo-choo.Why was the railway so angry?Because people kept crossing it.Why cant train engineers be electrocuted? The How to Math T-shirt is exactly what the title suggests: a pie chart diagram breaking down the percentages of how to do mathematics. Q: How many conductors does it take to change a light bulb?A: Only one, but it doesnt help, he punches a hole in the new one. Why did the sperm cross the road? I guess that's why I like monorails so much! Because they run over sleepers.Whats the difference between a railway security guard and a teacher?One minds the trains and the other trains the minds.What did the train track say when he walked into the bar with the motorway?A pint for me please, and one for the road.What happened to the boy who was doing a project on trains?He found it difficult to keep track of everything.Whats the difference between a teacher and a steam train? Why are the railroad tracks angry? In South Carolina railroad companies may be held liable for scaring horses. Its a freight day to go for a ride on a train.If you spend too much time walking on railroad tracks it might leave you feeling run down.The conductor has never missed a day of work in over 20 years on the job.He was there come train or shine.You can always tell when a train driver is stressed because they bite their rails.The conductor was right in the middle of her presentation when she lost her train of thought.Embarrassed, she quickly disembarked from the room.Did you know that train conductors make great thieves?Theyre really good at covering their tracks.Its hard to find anyone with more focus than a conductor.They have complete tunnel vision.How does a train avoid detection?It covers its tracks.I once asked a conductor how many times a train he was on had gotten derailed.He told me it was hard to keep track.Why do trains take so long to arrive on Halloween?Theyre running with a skeleton service.I was able to pick up a few railway buffers for cheap the other day.I took advantage of an end-of-the-line sale.Its always great working with a train conductor.Theyre always ready to take one for the steam.What does a monster see when it sees a train full of passengers?A chew chew train.Conductors can be quite intimidating when you get them angry.Make sure you dont yank their train!Everyone seems to have a crush on the train conductor.Theyre quite at-track-tive.Three blondes were taking a walk when they stumbled on some tracks. After that, I picked up the pace quickly. Q: When does a rabbit go exactly as fast as a train?A: When its on the train. No one would ever find out how hard he trained, because he never got a platform to share it. There is no shame in accepting for your bawdy sense of humor and rolling on the floor laughing at R-rated jokes with your buddies. When they got to the station, they bought a single ticket for the return trip. 29. On one such occasion, a ringing slap is heard and as the train passes back into daylight, the Frenchman is rubbing his sore, red cheek. I found that many people spoke only their own language and this included the ticket inspector on the train. 13. All rights reserved. Yo mama so dirty, a pressure washer couldn't even get her clean. I may not go down in history, but I'll go down on you. Train conductors are clever and known for their engine-uity. We have scoured our sources to compile a list of the Top 100 Train Jokes, including train jokes for kids (including the ever popular Thomas the Train), railroad puns, train one liners, interesting railroad laws and the popular "You Might be a Railfan If" jokes. So he lies down next to the wife. Later, as the man had said, he did fall asleep, and when he woke up he realized he was in Frankfurt. Q: What do you call a train that eats toffee? 80. The conductor took it and moved on.The accountants saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. Why did the train have bubble gum? Why did the man driving a train get struck by lightning? One turns to the other and says to him, Look at this guy!The other guy replies, Yeah, almost as mad as the guy they made get out of the train in Mannheim., 57. So after the conference, the Irishmen decide to copy the Scots on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all that). He couldnt coordinate the. Being a conductor is more difficult than it looks. The guards refuse his request, and instead serve him a standard last meal of steak, potatoes, and berry cobbler.
